You smell like stripper and shame
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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