you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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