I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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