I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
