I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
