i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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