My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
