she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
