Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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