and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
