All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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