She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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