hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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