Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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