party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
