We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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