I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Randomize
