I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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