her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
