She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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