Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
