anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
