you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
