based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
