Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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