upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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