Me too!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
