Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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