I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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