did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
