just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
