Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
