If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sober January is a disaster.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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