My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
