I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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