they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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