so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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