The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were destined to go to rehab together
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
