Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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