can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
