Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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