well I can't set my house on fire every night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
