I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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