That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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