Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
