Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
