He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!