Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.