Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
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He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.