My first STD was from a foam party
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way