WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI