I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.