I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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