you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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