The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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