fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
