I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
