I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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