When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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