just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Your penis caused this!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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