Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
