You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
