So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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